Here's a little story about someone that you know
He was a right famous fella by the name of Russell Crowe
I was workin' at a pub and he was smokin at the bar
And that's a crime, as you all know, in Cal-if-orn-ia

So I sidled up the rail, right to where he stood
Said, "sorry Mr. Crowe," as nicely as I could
You'll have to put that out now, throw it on the floor
And if you don't I'll have to kick you out, show you to the door

He squared right up to me, somewhat in surprise
Then he narrowed up his gaze, shot me daggers with his eyes
"If you think you're man enough, go ahead," he said
I was scared for me live so I dalked him in the head

The closest I've come to ending up dead
Was the night that I punched Russell Crowe
The Gladiator in the head

He lifted up his hands, put them to his nose
Blood was running through his fingers, dripping on his clothes
His bodyguards ran up, "Get him," shouted Crowe
"Run," cried Chucky, "Run, and don't stop until you get to Mexico"

The closest I've come to ending up dead
Was the night that I punched Russell Crowe
The Gladiator in the head

The closest I've come to being dead
Was the night that I punched Russell Crowe
The Gladiator in the head

"You can't hit me, I'm he Cinderella Man
I'm the Master and Commander, I'm Australian
You can't hit me, don't you know I'm dangerous
I am the outlaw Ben Wade
I am Maximus"